2.
You know when you start something new, whether it be a relationship or a move, or any sort of seemingly cool thing and you enter into the honeymoon period where you get weeks of joyous living without having to confront the hard stuff yet?
Well I’ll take two of those, holy shit.
Suffice it to say that my emotional state has not found that honeymoon.
Immediately upon arrival, it seemed, fear began to creep into my body and mind. I had barely unpacked before the chorus of voices began to echo “bro what the fuck are we doing, what did we do, what if this doesn’t work out, what if you run out of money, what if your business doesn’t go well, what if you can’t become the person you want to become, what if you fail” and the what ifs continued.
I had barely had a chance to walk to the river or visit Acadia before all the worst timelines presented themselves as if I was watching the sacred timeline split at the TVA. As I write this, some of the fear still lingers around, like an ashamed child standing in the corner wondering when I’m going to pay attention to it again.
I suppose fear really does like to hang around. Uninvited. All of the time. I guess it makes sense. Fear has kept our species alive for thousands of years. As we’ve evolved into deeper levels of consciousness, psychological and emotional realities surrounding fear interplay with our physical reality to make our fears stem from our past experiences and future wonders. We now fear situations where we certainly won’t die, so fear isn’t only about death anymore.
Which makes it challenging because we can’t always tell the difference. For those with PTSD, they know this truth all too well.
Regardless, I’ve thought a lot about what to do with my fear this year. Because it will certainly arise, there’s no doubt about it. For now, I accept it’s presence, allow myself to feel it for a time, and have it pull up a chair as I continue to live my fucking life whether it wants me to or not.
During my first week in Maine I got to explore the local spots of Bangor briefly and finally visit Maine’s National Park, Acadia.
Here’s proof of me doing stuff lol:
Random street strolling in Bangor during dusk
Beehive Trail Overlook on Sand Beach at Acadia National Park
Look, I don’t know about you but a National Park that has mountains and a beach is literally heaven. I did the Beehive Loop Trail, took a dip in the Bowl on my way down before finally stopping by Sand Beach to read my mf book on the rocks overlooking the water. Relaxing as hell.
Leaving Colorado, one of things I wanted to make sure I avoided was getting stuck in a routine that did not include adventure and play. I haven’t skied in over 10 years and rarely hit the mountains for hikes and I’m sad I let myself miss out on those beautiful experiences. I never need to be a “4 hikes a weekend” kind of guy, or an “adventure is my only personality trait” kind of guy that lives on Bumble and makes sure people know how intense of hard core he is,
AND
I want to live my life. As I said last week. And I’ll probably say it again next week so calm tf down please, thanks.
Regardless, this week I’m proud of myself for not letting fear keep me in a box of rumination that wants me to avoid everything but instead I accepted it’s presence and still lived my life anyway. Yay for growth!
Food Spot of The Week:
Spot on the harbor! (lol to these random people)
Stewman’s Downtown. Bar Harbor, ME
They had some dope fish and chips. Some dope popcorn shrimp. And clams. Idk if I like clams. I can’t have butter and I think that makes them worth it? Who knows y’all i never swam to the bottom of the ocean and found a shell with a weird ass thing inside and said “yeah. Yeah. This is gon’ be dinner.” I’m not that guy.
One downside is the owner of the restaurant owns half of Bar Harbor and TWO yachtys. Smdh. The top 1% has more carbon emissions than the bottom 50% put together cause they all have two whole yachts I swear.
The end.
Xoxo
Reider
